BUYING HIS WAY OUT

Mark Thatcher, scion of neoliberal stalwart Margaret "Iron Lady" Thatcher, is buying his way out of a likely death sentence for his role as a private sector terrorist in an attempted coup to overthrow the government of Equatorial Guinea.

According tothe BBC, Thatcher will pay a Pounds 265,000 fine and be set free. Ah to be the progeny of a Baroness. Thatcher also promised to cooperate with ongoing investigations of other former South African military officials turned mercenary.

Here's what Mark had to say of his travails:

"There is no price too high for me to pay to be reunited with my family and I am sure all of you who are husbands and fathers would agree with that."

No price is too high, not even the violent overthrow of governments uncooperative to multinational oil interests.