DC: Code Orange Today
Not a terrorist alert. Even Saudis wouldn't go out in this heat. No, this code orange just means old people and children are at risk of dying from heat and air pollution, thanks to our own corporate petro-terrorists.
HOT AND HUMID CONDITIONS ARE LIKELY TODAY...WITH MAX TEMPERATURES FORECAST TO REACH NEAR 100 DEGREES. COMBINED WITH A HUMID AIRMASS..THE HEAT INDEX WILL LIKELY REACH NEAR 105 DEGREES. HOT AND HUMID CONDITIONS WILL BE POSSIBLE AGAIN ON TUESDAY. A HEAT ADVISORY MEANS THAT A PERIOD OF HOT TEMPERATURES IS EXPECTED. THE COMBINATION OF HOT TEMPERATURES AND HIGH HUMIDITY WILL COMBINE TO CREATE A SITUATION IN WHICH HEAT ILLNESSES ARE POSSIBLE. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS...STAY IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED ROOM...STAY OUT OF THE SUN...AND CHECK UP ON RELATIVES AND NEIGHBORS.
Note that tonight's overnight low is forecast for 79. And I saw five people wearing sweaters this morning on my commute. WTF?
This heat should do wonders for the crime emergency in our fair city. Don't worry, Chief Wiggum has the situation in hand.
All I have to say is praise Allah for delivering us triple action Gold Bond medicated powder. In the meantime, I have four bags of frozen peas stuffed down my shorts. That's how you spell relief.